Bill Bryson in The lost Continent was looking for the prettiest town in America but falls short of finding one with all his desired attributes so goes about constructing his dream town of Amalgam from different towns with the bits he takes a shine to. A motel here, a Main Street there, a barbershop, a five-and-dime, an authentic and original movie theater, not the dreaded multiplex with screens the size of “bath towels.” A picturesque downtown with real stores were cherry-picked and, well, amalgamated.
As I pondered this we were on a long straight stretch of county road through rural Georgia. A gaggle of police cars with blue lights flashing appeared in the distance. A fierce-looking state trooper waived us down. My eyes fixed on the gun in his holster that bobbed on his disproportionately large hips. He approached, proceeded by his belly and a big cigar and grimly informed us that he was going to do an “equipment check.”
So it’s to be Georgia where we are disappeared by the local police – not Louisiana, not Alabama, not Texas as some so-called friends and erstwhile relatives had led me to believe.
Step out of the car. Hands behind your head. On your knees. Bang! was the scene that flashed through my mind and knocked out all thoughts of a pretty home town.
Before I had a chance to beg for my life the trooper had checked our headlights, blinkers, brake lights and horn. When he’d decided we were fit to continue to drive through his state his pudgy face softened into friendliness.
“You’ve come a long way,” he chuckled on seeing our Washington license plates. Little did he know that that was our second pass ’round the country – on track for 20,000 miles by the time we looped back to Washington State.
Jimmy replied, “We didn’t do it all today,” and they laughed companionably.
“Well y’all drive safe. God love ya!” and his toothy grin was topped off by twinkling eyes.
God and the State Trooper seem to love us enough to let us pass through Georgia.
If God really loved me He’d find me a house in Amalgam.
Which Way Now 101 
Hated driving thru Georgia when I had NY plates on the car, hate driving in Texas with Texas plates on the car LOL Can’t talk them troopers out a nothing!!! guess my NY accent doesn’t help even if I have a TX license!!!
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Imagine how we felt in the deep south with WA plates and English accents. A rolling target! We’ve had no problems though, with State Troopers that is – plenty of other hiccups!
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I’ll keep an eye out for that trooper when we pass through Georgia. Good luck with your search.
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Equipment check ? I wonder what they were really looking for…. 😀
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Well they didn’t find it in our car. I think it was a quiet day at the cop shop and they were just amusing themselves and passing the time of day with the tourists. The sun was shining. Why sit behind a desk?
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hahahahaha… oh sure… get out and hassle some folks. 😀
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😕
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We are continuously stopped by police for checks on vehicles, almost an everyday thing… does it worry us? No, what worries us is they pull over all the good cars Mercs, BMW, Audis etc and let the crap pass on by… I think it might have something to do with them looking for bribes… they pull my Mazda 6 over a lot, find nothing wrong and in any case I would not pay a bribe, so get out the car, hands behind your head and bang, might just be the sounds I make…
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You must be a dodgy looking geezer.
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I’m an ugly son of a bitch and always look as though I’m about to beat some sense in to you… so I think they don’t ask for a bribe, just let me go on my merry way…
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😕
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Had me going there with the: step out of the car, hands behind your head, on your knees, but once I got to bang! I got the joke (a bit slow I know). Great story, Hector and I just commented on the amount of police on the roads in Arizona, 10 miles from the California border we’d passed three police cars in the median. Not to mention the border check. But we got through once again.
Brenda
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Didn’t mean to get you going . . . just have a vivid imagination. And yes, there are a lot of police in AZ. We’d better keep our heads down!
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I’m “reading” Bryson’s “I’m a Stranger Here Myself” for the second time. Actually, I don’t read his books if I can get them in audio (to listen while I drive). He reads them himself and really brings them alive. He is fantastic. Especially the humor.
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I really related to “I’m a Stranger Here Myself.” Thanks for the audio book tip. I’ll look for them.
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20,000 miles ! and more to go…
Your scene reminded me of our own in AZ but then we had a broken passenger/driver side window.
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A broken window? Good heavens! Arrest that couple!
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That feeling of dread when you are pulled over certainly sharpens your wits! We’ve had two inspections by border patrol in two days… It’s scary, even though we have done nothing wrong!
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Been there, done that! Do we need “I am a U.S. citizen” t-shirts?
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Like many of the commenters before me, I LOVE Bill Bryson. I would not, however, have liked the experience of being randomly pulled over in Georgia. Like you, my mind would have fast forwarded through every bad scene I could imagine. Loved the punchline 🙂
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Guilty until proven innocent? What comes over us when we see the police? I’ve done nothing wrong officer! I’m looking for Amalgam.
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LOL! I always thought my mother did a good job of instilling a healthy dose of guilt – for everything – in each of us and that’s why we automatically cringe when we see police headed our way 🙂
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I can’t blame my mother when it comes to guilt. The less said about that the better!
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I’m still blown away by 20,000 miles. Wow!
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One day I will add them all to date. It’s quite a bit more than that. Must sit down with himself and diaries and a calculator and come up with a total (so far). Wrecked the engine and transmission on the Tahoe. Right now the truck is resting!
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What an amazing set of experiences!
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It’s been a trip! 😀
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I enjoy Bill Bryson’s writing – need to read more of his writing too – have a Walk in the Woods on my reading list and will add The Lost Continent too:) Happy Weekend!
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I enjoyed A Walk in the Woods very much but better him than me. I don’t think our RV would fit on the Appalachian Trail! And I’m not up for tents and sleeping bags, or in fact walking 2,200 miles!
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The quest continues…… 🙂
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Yeah. Getting sick of that theme. lol! Aliens and UFOs next, just for a change. Perhaps they’ll take me away!
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You can dream 😆
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I think they are coming now!
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Glad to hear it wasn’t the end of the road after all! Very catchy title. Bill Bryson is one of my faves and should he read this post I think he would be very enchanted by your writing style.
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Well thank you! 😀 I’ve always loved his writing. And no, it wasn’t the end the road. There are just certain people who amused themselves by making us think it might be!
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Great story! Georgia cool, last I was there they didn’t have all the ugly billboards.
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Thanks for the comment. Georgia is certainly cool now!
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LOL
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;_)
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Hmmmmm! 🙂
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