Derek, the Bad Boy Laptop

My laptop decided five days ago that it didn’t want to play. Windows was just too much for it. It wouldn’t open it and insisted on a restorative System Restore. It asked politely but gave no other options, not even a choice of restore points. As it cranked slowly through the process I sat nervously hoping it knew what it was doing. The use of System Restore had always been my prerogative. Eventually that nice blue screen with my user name popped up, but it . . . let’s call the laptop Derek, it is so impersonal . . . . Derek had decided to shed himself of 12 Windows updates, numerous Norton updates that left me hideously AT RISK, an Acrobat Reader update and thankfully Google Chrome which had slipped itself into Derek when I had carelessly not unticked a box that I hadn’t seen. I laboriously reinstalled all the updates.

Poor Derek. He just hadn’t rested enough so two days later insisted on more restoring with all the same consequences, only this time his friend Mr. Norton decided he wasn’t satisfied with his lot either. Beneath a large red scary looking X Mr. Norton urged me to download a program to uninstall and reinstall himself.

Uninstall the virus protection? I didn’t like the sound of that. I read and reread the screen. Do I? Don’t I? We were miles from anywhere but giant sequoias, 2,000 miles from the geeks I trusted with Derek and it was out of office hours to telephone. Shall I hit that download button? Derek was preventing me opening Internet Explorer to research a fix. Are computers capable of sabotage? Will the lazy bad boy implode? I had absolutely no idea. Screw it. Most of my files were saved on an external hard drive hidden in my underwear drawer. I clicked download.

Giant distractions from my tech problems.

Apparently Derek and Mr. Norton knew what they were doing and restored and uninstalled and reinstalled to their heart’s content. Derek then seemed content but had one more trick to play. He stole my Word 2010 and told me I could retrieve it in Control Panel. Well I can’t. More specifically I don’t know how and he probably knows that.

Soon Derek will have a hospital stay at the shop where I bought him. He doesn’t deserve my care and concern, the naughty boy, but in addition to my missing Word program he’s limping a bit which is slowing me down as well.

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