Nightmares Before Bedtime, Again

Our life has been a little hectic lately and is about to become hecticker (my spelling, my grammar, my blog). Watch this space.

For quickness, as a cheat or out of laziness – take your pick – I have reblogged a post from November 2012. It’s one of my favorites. You may think that reminiscing about pain would mean I’m a bit touched. You may be right.

We’ve two queen sized beds on our RV. That might seem a little extravagant when you don’t know our nightly drill. “Keep still!” “I can’t!”  “Wellgetintheotherbed!!”  One bed is just kind of there at one end of the trailer and the other one is in a big drawer – a slide-out – at the other end. Once parked, you pull it out and prop it up and sleep suspended in mid-air.

It’s quite cozy with the curtains drawn, reminiscent of a sleeping compartment on a train. The nightmares come before bedtime with gasps and groans, broken fingernails and much bad language as the sheets are wrestled onto the mattresses which cling tightly to the walls on three sides.

To get the idea, try it yourself. Make the exercise authentic by first pushing your bare mattress into the corner of your bedroom flush against the wall on two sides. Ideally, it should be flush against the wall on three sides but your bedroom is probably not that small. Next, flick a fitted sheet out across the mattress and quickly rap your knuckles smartly against a doorframe or other suitable unyielding surface. This will introduce an appropriate level of pain early in the process.

Fling yourself belly down, appendages splayed, in an imitation of Spiderman on top of the rumpled sheet and attempt to tuck all four corners neatly and tightly under the mattress whilst you are weighing it down.

Once you’ve made a poor job of that, rip a fingernail off and repeat the above process with the top sheet. If you can’t bear to rip the fingernail right off then at least bend it backwards until it hurts.

At any point, if you feel the need for a break to catch your breath, you may stop and stuff the pillows into the pillowcases.

Now imagine there is a bunk bed 18 inches above the bed you’ve been fighting with so when you finish with the pillowcases crack the back of your head on the conveniently placed previously used doorframe to disorient yourself before continuing any further.

Next, shake a blanket out over the mess you’ve made so far and smack a knuckle on the other hand (not the one that is already throbbing) on a sharpish object, like the edge of a door, drawing just enough blood to leave a tell tale victory trail on your blanket when you tuck it under the bottom edge of the mattress. You may not be as fortunate as us to have ivory colored blankets to give a good contrast to the blood which will display your pluck.

If you are tempted to cheat and just shake the layers of bedding out, each smoothly on top of the other without tucking and battering of head and hands, you will wake up mummified at some point between 2 am and 5 am when bed making is even less appealing than when you first attempted it.

Seems difficult to imagine that the process could be any less appealing when you are already gasping, sweating, hurting, bleeding and swearing but it is actually true.

The mess we sleep in!
The mess we sleep in!

 

 

 

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66 thoughts on “Nightmares Before Bedtime, Again

  1. Hahahaha!!! You described it PERFECTLY! We have a corner bed and I have to stand in the bed to make it or if it’s not too rumpled I just lie down and do the “snow angel” to smooth out the sheets. I always dread the wrestling-match of weekly complete bedding changes….

  2. Perfect description and timing. I awoke this morning promising myself that today I really would change the sheets on my sleeping space above the cab of my RV. Now I remember why I’m so very reluctant to do so!

  3. I have a four-sided problem twin bed (two of the walls are only 2′ long), there are actually two twins, but I only sleep in one bed at a time ;-). I end up sliding the mattress completely off the bed, put the sheets on as best I can while the mattress is standing on it’s side, then slide it back into the cubby hole and tuck, tuck. Also a work-out!

    1. I just don’t want to sleep in a sleeping bag for years! I made it sound worse than it is. It’s only when I change the sheets that I have nightmares. And we only ever used the bunk bed for storage . . . and cracking our heads!

              1. Thanks! That would be much appreciated. If you’d rather, my email address is at the About Me page. Or perhaps others might like the link if you post it here! :O_o:

                    1. Really had to hunt, but it’s (shift \ ) |_| I think it’s supposed to be a glass or a drink, but it’s pretty hard to see.

    1. I’m sure you can relate. I always sleep better on clean sheets night. Is it the exercise, the clean smooth sheets or knowing I won’t have to change the sheets for another week? :-D

  4. Aw man! Just having this conversation the other day…moved into a house, a real house, no wheels involved. With a guy. We were at the stage where he thought that he was doing more than me around the house, until I pointed out all the things I was doing that he didn’t notice…including, you guessed it, making the bed! We worked it out, calmed it down, all that. When we were discussing it later he said “you know, making the bed is not a big thing for me” and then I told him how much of an ordeal it was to make the bed in the Airstream, and how delightful it was to be ABLE to make the bed every morning!
    Anyway, great post!

    1. I updated my About page and noticed that you were the first one EVER to comment on it! Hello again! Then I got confused as I remembered you being on you own and living in an RV. Now I understand. All up to date. Good luck with the new lifestyle and training a new main!

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